


Feral Love

by Syngularity



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Canon, Angry Clarke, Clexa, ClexaWeek2017, F/F, Fluffy Ending, Healing Sex, Porn with Feelings, Power Bottom Clarke, Power Dynamics, Smut, Switch Clarke, Switch Lexa, clarke has lots of feels, clarke is mad and madly turned on, lexa accepts clarke's punishment, service top Lexa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-26
Updated: 2017-02-26
Packaged: 2018-09-27 01:56:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9945251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Syngularity/pseuds/Syngularity
Summary: Rewrite of episode 3x03 - Before Clarke can even think about bowing before Lexa, she needs to be convinced that Lexa won’t betray her again. But it doesn't quite go the way she had planned...





	

"You can't run away from who you are, Clarke. Join me. Bow before me and your people will be safe."

Lexa's words are still ringing in Clarke's ears. She seethes, taking in the Commander in front of her with a tight jaw and clenched fists.

Heda looks at her like she didn't just ask her to do the impossible, almost unfazed. Clarke knows better though, after spending so much time with the Commander she's learned her tells. Her tilted chin might make her appear to be unaffected and confident but there is a nervousness behind her steely her gaze.

"Bow before _you?_ You don't give a damn about my people. You don't give a damn about me."

She shakes her head, trying to decipher Heda's motivation to rush this coalition into existence so shortly after her betrayal. But then it hits her.

_Wanheda._

Lexa's motivations suddenly make sense.

"I know why you're here. I made you look weak at Mount Weather, and now the Ice Nation is exploiting that. So you want me to bow before you.” She pauses before making her next point.

“I am Wanheda, if I made you look weak, why don't _you_ bow before _me_."

Lexa swallows hard and shifts her weight from one leg to the other. Clarke can't tell if the slight flush on her cheeks is from embarrassment, anger, or something else. She decides it doesn't matter, Lexa's response is lighting a fire in Clarke's belly. The numbness of the months she spent in the wilderness fading. She's almost high on the control that she feels seeping back into her body after feeling lost for so long. It spurs her on to keep pushing against Heda's limits.

"You _need_ me, don't you?"

The proud warrior in front of her is fighting through the conflicting emotions that subtly flash across her face. Clarke gives her time to sort through them. She's not in any rush and she convinces herself that she doesn't care what Lexa decides to do next.

Clarke's mind drifts off to the darkness that has clouded her thoughts ever since Lexa left her standing at the entrance of the mountain. The guilt and despair she feels are still sharp, still raw. It's a festering wound she keeps picking at, unable to heal. Like an infection. She tried to see Lexa's side of things a few times, but ultimately the pain the betrayal caused her was too great to sympathize with the woman she trusted. So Clarke determinedly tried to not think about her at all.

But keeping Lexa from her mind proved to be just as hard as keeping images of the lifeless bodies on the floor of Mount Weather from infiltrating her thoughts. Men, women and children, friends and enemies. Lexa's apologetic and stoic face splattered with other people's blood. All of them swirling in front of her eyes whenever she closed them.

The images disappear as fast as they came when she sees Lexa take a step closer. Her jaw is still set, proud as usual, but her eyes have gone soft. She looks a bit hesitant and uncertain, and there is something else Clarke has trouble identifying.

Finally, she speaks.

"I can't undo what I did and if I had to do it again, I would."

Clarke bristles at that but Lexa continues.

"As Heda, my responsibility is to my people and my people only. I can't make decisions with my heart, Clarke. That is why I want your people to become my people. To have Skaikru join the coalition to become the thirteenth clan. Not just for of the power of Wanheda, although I'll admit that is a part of it. Partly to keep you safe, partly to stop people from questioning my leadership."

She sighs heavily, looking less like the powerful Commander with every word she speaks.

"Your people need you." Lexa looks up to the ceiling and takes a deep breath, before holding Clarke's gaze once again when she tries again.

"And you're right. I need you, Clarke. I won't betray you again."

Clarke feels her resolve weaken but she's not going to show any sign of weakness to the woman who wounded her. 

"Prove it."

Lexa seems to understand that her word won't be enough this time around. She takes another few steps forward until she's within arms reach of Clarke.

Clarke doesn't know what expression she expected to find on Lexa's face, but it's not this. Lexa looks determined as she slowly sinks to her knees in front of Clarke. And Clarke can't stifle the small gasp that involuntarily slips past her lips at the sight.

"Wanheda," Lexa begins, when she doesn’t get any response she starts again.

"Clarke."

The way Lexa lets the 'k' click brings back those unwanted feelings Clarke tried to bury within the mountain. Ignoring the flutter in her stomach, she keeps her chin up and lets Lexa continue.

"I swear fealty to you, Clarke kom Skaikru. I vow to treat your needs as my own, and your people as my people. I will not betray you again."

Clarke hears the conviction ring true in Lexa's words and it takes her breath away. The disarming honesty in Lexa's eyes makes her heart pound against her ribs. She was armed and ready to fight the Commander but this turn of events leaves her head spinning.

Lexa is still looking up at her, trying to read what she’s thinking no doubt. The sight of Heda on her knees, willingly submitting to her is affecting her more than she’s comfortable with, more than she's prepared for. She lets her eyes travel from Lexa’s wide green ones to her slightly parted lips and Clarke’s mouth goes dry. The heat pooling between her legs is such a stark contrast to the anger that still swirls in her mind that she’s able to snap out of her daze.

Clarke holds out her hand in front of her for Lexa to take. After a moment of hesitation, Lexa reaches for it and softly wraps her fingers around Clarke's. The gentle touch is unexpected and Clarke feels her resolve crumble even further. Once Lexa is standing in front of her again, she decides her initial plans for revenge will do her no good. She needs to settle this in a different way. In the end, all she can think of is to answer Lexa in kind.

"You made me think we were in this together, Lexa. That we had each other's backs. You made me trust you." Her eyes flicker from Lexa's eyes to her mouth as Lexa’s bottom lip slightly quivers on a sharp inhale.

"You made me think you had feelings for me, that I was... special. You _kissed_ me."

Clarke almost feels bad as she watches the guilt drip from Lexa's features. _Almost._

Lexa needs to hear this, if she doesn't want to hear it she shouldn't have made the deal with the Mountain Men. And Clarke is not done yet. After holding everything in for so long it feels cathartic to finally spill her guts. Every piece of her mind she delivers to Lexa brings her more satisfaction than the last.

"How do I know this isn't another strategic move for the Commander? First, you make me fall for you. Then you fuck me over by leaving me and breaking our alliance. Now you need me to bow before you so you can regain power over me under the guise of protecting my people. I won't let you play this game, Lexa. Not again."

She's starting to lose control of her emotions, even in this state Lexa still has a powerful hold over her.

"You want the power of Wanheda? Why don't you just kill me and take it." The words tumble from her mouth before she can stop herself. Her body prickles as she says the words, still raw and rattled but there is a certain peace that settles over her. She finally got a rise out of Lexa, who looks at her in utter shock.

 _"Clarke,"_ Lexa almost chokes on her name. “I would _never…”_

Lexa doesn’t finish that sentence. She may not want to harm Clarke intentionally, but to say that Lexa always kept her safe would be a lie and Lexa knows it.

"I'm sorry, Clarke. I never meant to turn you into this."

Of all the things Lexa could say to her, an apology was something had Clarke never expected to hear. Lexa's words were almost a whisper, but she continues a little louder.

"My duty is to my people, but I never meant to hurt you, Clarke. You _are_ special." Lexa looks away and takes a deep breath to compose herself. "My feelings for you have not changed, though I understand if I've damaged your trust beyond repair."

Clarke tries but fails to swallow the lump in her throat. Deep down she knows Lexa will always be Heda first, and Heda thinks love is weakness. But as Heda betrayed Clarke by choosing her people and taking the deal, Clarke could see the guilt in Lexa's eyes as the mask of the Commander crumbled when she left Clarke at the foot of the mountain.

She was betrayed by Heda, but Lexa...

Clarke watches Lexa’s eyes now, as they travel down to where their hands are still joined. Clarke’s initial instinct is to pull away like she’s been burned, having forgotten they were still touching, but something stops her.

Lexa’s thumb gently brushes over her knuckles, stroking soothing patterns... and it feels so good. Clarke hates herself for how her body responds to Lexa’s touch, and she wants more, longs for more. She makes one last feeble attempt at resisting the urge she doesn’t want to give in to.

“You left me. If what you say is true...” She trails off, unable to give voice to her emotions.

“You _left_ me.”

She knows she’s repeating herself and there is nothing left for Lexa to say that hasn’t already been said. But it still hurts.

“Clarke…” Lexa chokes on her name, looking desperate.

She wants to believe Lexa, but it’s not enough. Her words are not enough. She needs to feel it. She looks back to their joined hands where Lexa is still stroking. Maybe they can’t resolve their feelings by talking about it. _'_

 _Maybe,'_ she thinks, _'I shouldn’t resist this pull. Maybe feeling_ is _the answer'._

Something clicks inside of Clarke and she knows it's the only way, it's what she needs. Lexa left her because she made a decision with her head, so she needs Lexa to show what’s in her heart.

She needs to _feel_ what Lexa feels.

Clarke wets her lips and takes a small step towards Lexa, who starts backing up at the same time. Clarke keeps crowding in on her, never letting go of her hand, driving her towards the bed in the room.

“Clarke? What are you doing...” Lexa stutters a bit, she looks uneasy but she doesn’t object.

Once they reach the edge of the bed Clarke grabs Lexa’s neck roughly, pulling her in for a bruising kiss that takes Lexa by surprise. It feels good, Clarke decides, as she takes Lexa’s bottom lip between her teeth and bites down a little too hard. She releases the flesh slowly and levels Lexa with a look that's hopefully intimidating. Judging by Lexa’s quivering lip, she succeeded.

Feeling in control once again she decides to go with it and see where this takes her. After everything that’s happened, it's not like she has nothing left to lose.

“If you ever want to see me bow before you, I need you to convince me first.”

Lexa just blinks at her, gaping, so Clarke continues, pushing harder, not backing down now.

“Get on your knees again. I liked you there.”

“Clarke…” Lexa sputters on air.

“Shhh, stop talking.” Her voice is soft but her expression leaves no room for misinterpretation. “Stop making decisions with your head.”

Understanding washes over Lexa’s face. Clarke realizes it must be hard for Lexa to give up control after being forged to fit the mold of Commander since she took her first steps as a child. But Lexa surprises her by letting her face go blank as she slowly sinks down to her knees again.

They don’t break eye contact and Clarke patiently waits a while before making her next move, to settle them further into their respective roles after this paradigm shift.

When the anticipation is getting to her, she begins by sliding off her own jacket, letting it fall to the floor. She lifts her left hand and softly strokes Lexa’s cheek with the back of her fingers. She wants to start slow, gauging Lexa’s responses first.

“Take off my boots.”

Lexa keeps looking at her a few moments longer before obediently following the order. Once the boots are off, Clarke reaches for her own belt, unfastens it and pulls it free from the loopholes.

“Take these off for me,” she says, gesturing to her pants.

Lexa only hesitates for half a moment before reaching up with trembling hands to pop open the top button and pull the zipper down. She hooks her fingers over the waistband and re-establishes eye contact as she peels off the fabric at an agonizing pace. Warmth pools between Clarke’s legs and she has to refrain from pressing her thighs together. Once Lexa’s hands reach her ankles, she steps out of her pants and reaches up to brush Lexa’s cheek again.

“Everything.” She tries to sound confident but the huskiness of her voice betrays her. She’s sure Lexa can see the evidence of her arousal through the fabric of her underwear since Lexa hasn’t stopped staring at her crotch.

Clarke balls her fists to keep herself from squirming. She’s impatient for Lexa to continue but she knows she can’t take what she wants by force. Lexa needs to want this, too.

Clarke can’t stop the soft sigh of relief that escapes her as Lexa’s hands brush up her thighs and reach her underwear. Lexa looks up once more and Clarke gives her a small nod of consent. Her lungs are burning and she realizes she stopped breathing in the time it took for Lexa to get her underwear to join her pants on the floor. She can feel herself leaking, painting the insides of her thighs with her arousal.

Lexa swallows and runs her tongue over her lips, her hooded gaze fixated on Clarke’s dripping center. The heat between her legs is unbearable at this point, but it feels good. She’s bare and raw, but at last she finally _feels_ something.

“Lexa,” she husks. “Your heart... show me what you feel.”

For a moment she’s scared that Lexa will reject her, that’s she’s asking too much and Heda will retake control, having been pushed too far. Her moment of insecurity doesn't last long. Lexa's gaze tears away from where it was glued between Clarke's legs. And when Lexa looks at her, eyes black like an animal, desire burning bright like a flame, a shiver runs down Clarke's spine.

Lexa wets her lips and hooks her hands behind Clarke’s knees to nudge them further apart. She inhales sharply, Clarke thinks she’s about to say something but then decides against it. Instead, Lexa lets her eyes travel over Clarke’s body with unconcealed hunger until her gaze settles back between Clarke’s thighs. Right before Clarke's patience runs out, Lexa surges forward.

“Oh fuck, Lexa!”

Clarke shouts to the ceiling as soon as she feels Lexa’s hot tongue between her thighs. Warm silk licking up from her entrance to her clit in one broad swipe. Lexa repeats the motion, licking up in broad strokes over and over, until Clarke start grinding herself onto Lexa’s tongue.

Lexa fastens her mouth over Clarke’s clit and starts to rhythmically suck the aching bud lightly while stroking it with her tongue. Clarke’s world reduces itself until it exist only of her center and the way Lexa’s tongue glides over it, smooth and scorching. Every other sense is muted, unimportant in this moment. After months of feeling only pain, guilt or a dull numbness, her body comes back to life. Lexa is waking it up, causing it to tingle all over.

Before it can become too much, too soon, Lexa moves back down to her entrance, softly circling it as her hands stroke the inside of Clarke’s thighs. Clarke's knees buckle as Lexa’s tongue probes her opening. For a split second, she thinks she’s going to fall until Lexa’s strong arms are on her hips to keep her steady. Lexa pulls away and looks up at her, mouth and chin gleaming with Clarke’s wetness. She glances over her shoulder to the bed and then back to Clarke, insinuating they continue there.

Instead of doing what Lexa suggests, Clarke slowly reaches for the hem of her shirt and pulls it over her head. She unclasps her bra and lets it fall down to the floor. The slight chill on her newly exposed skin caused by a breeze from the open window is a welcome relief to her overheated body.

The reaction she gets from Lexa is exactly what she hoped for. Her eyes are transfixed, blown pupils swallowing the surrounding green whole. Her wet mouth hanging open slightly, her hands squeezing Clarke’s thighs like she needs to grab onto something to keep herself from reaching up without Clarke’s permission.

Clarke can feel a smug half grin pull on one side of her face as she bends forward, placing her hands on hips, knowing full well what that does to her chest. Lexa looks lost to the world, completely in a trance. Clarke brings one hand to Lexa’s chin and nudges it up to meet her eyes, snapping Lexa out of her daze.

“Stay on your knees, and turn around.”

Clarke stands up straight and walks around Lexa, not letting go of her face. Lexa rotates with her until she feels the soft bed against the back of her legs.

She sits down and falls back to her elbows propping herself up, leaving room at the edge so she can bring her feet up to the bed as well.

Lexa watches her without blinking, the look in her eyes even hungrier than before as she watches Clarke slide her feet to the side, away from each other and spread her legs.

As much as she wants Lexa to ravage her at this point, she can’t abandon her mission, her goal. The girl in front of her kissed her, made her fall for her, told her she was special… and then left her, betrayed her.

Lexa swallows thickly and looks up at her, eyes pleading.

Instead of giving in, to her own desire and to Lexa, she lets her fingers roam over her stomach and brings them up to her breasts. Lexa follows her hands with the focus of a predator watching its prey. Clarke starts kneading her breasts softly before trapping her nipples between her middle and ring fingers, pulling at them while letting out a sinful moan.

She continues playing with herself as she watches Lexa squirm. Clarke knows she’s getting her revenge when Lexa lets out a needy whine.

Her right hand keeps teasing her nipple as she brings her left down to her drenched folds. She gathers up her wetness and brushes her middle finger over her clit, feeling it pulse with need. The touch is not deliberate enough to get off but pleasurable enough to make her pant roughly.

She keeps watching Lexa's face, enjoying the pained expression she's wearing as she watches Clarke pleasure herself.

Clarke knows she's won when Lexa starts leaning in, her restraint finally broken.

A fresh gush of wetness leaves her body at the sight of Lexa’s loss of control. But before Lexa’s mouth can reach her intended destination, Clarke places her left foot on Lexa’s sternum, effectively stopping her.

“Hod op, Heda.”

Lexa lets out something between a moan and a growl at Clarke's use of trigedasleng.

“I didn’t say you could. You have to wait for my command,” Clarke growls back, her voice low and seductive.

She decides that while she appreciates Lexa’s obedience up until that small slip, she wants Lexa to be a bit more vocal.

“Do you understand, Heda?”

Lexa nods.

“I need to hear you say it, Commander.”

Lexa looks like feral animal in chains. Scolded, and with a hint of... _shyness?_

 _This is new,'_ Clarke thinks to herself with amusement.

“Sha, Wanheda,” Lexa finally manages to get out between gritted teeth.

The legendary Heda, Commander of the 12 clans, leader of the coalition, is on her knees before her. Chin shimmering with Clarke’s wetness and completely at her mercy. Hearing Lexa address her as Wanheda sends a ripple of pleasure through her entire body. She realizes she’s never been as painfully turned on as she is right now. The vision in front of her by far the most erotic thing she has ever seen as she watches Lexa watching her with a hungry gaze. The anger, guilt, and feelings of revenge all but forgotten, obliterated by her aching need for Lexa.

“What is it you want, Heda?”

The faint, shy blush is back on Lexa’s cheeks but her eyes are still dark. She squirms on her heels for a while in search of words, but she eventually utters just one word.

“You.”

Clarke levels her with a pointed look and lifts a brow, spurring Lexa on.

“I want you, Wanheda. I want to taste you, please you, have you release in my mouth.”

It’s too much. Clarke feels her poor brain overload and her inner walls clench as she processes Lexa’s words. Her head is spinning, she needs relief, now.

“Put your mouth back on me,” she growls, her voice thick and husky.

As soon as the words have left her lips, Lexa leans back in and re-attaches herself to Clarke’s clit.

“Oh my god... fuck!” Clarke lets her head fall to the soft furs of the bed as her eyes roll into the back of her skull.

She moans Lexa's name as she grabs a fistful of hair with her hand, holding Lexa in place.

She can feel the coil in her core tighten quickly, ready to spring any moment. Lexa’s tongue is more talented than she could have ever imagined. And she _has_ imagined it. Before the memory of the Commander became a painful one.

But now she _knows_ , and Lexa's tongue swipes away the hurt as she probes Clarke’s dripping entrance, drinking her up.

The sensation causes black spots to dance in front of her eyes. Every cell in her body revives under Lexa’s skillful tongue as it moves back to her clit and starts building her up with determination.

Clarke knows it won’t take much, she’s been hovering on the brink for minutes, trying to hold off her release as long as possible. She doesn't want this to end, afraid the pain will come back once this moment has passed.

Eventually, she has to give in. No longer able to stop her orgasm from crashing over her. Lexa has her mouth glued to her clit, swiping her tongue at a steady but relentless pace and Clarke can feel every muscle in her body tense.

She comes hard, feeling like she’s shot back into space, lights flashing behind her scrunched up eyelids. Powerful arms around her hips trap her between the bed and Lexa's wicked mouth. Her back arches and she lets out a hoarse scream that resembles Lexa’s name.

She's panting roughly as she rides Lexa's tongue through the aftershocks. Whole body tingling and skin covered with a thin sheen of sweat. Lexa slows to a stop and presses her tongue against Clarke's clit right before she becomes oversensitive.

Once she's come down enough to speak again, Clarke only has one thing on her mind.

"Stand up." Her voice has lost all authority but Lexa immediately responds anyway. Lexa wipes her mouth with the back of her hand and waits for Clarke's next order.

"Take off your clothes."

Clarke expected she would be met with some reluctance or hesitation but Lexa surprises her by undoing the clasps and clips of her coat right away. Her boots and shirt are quick to follow.

The more skin Lexa reveals, the more Clarke can feel their dynamics shift with every item of clothing that falls to the floor. Clarke can't help but salivate and bite her bottom lip as she hungrily takes in Lexa's body, letting her eyes take in every defined muscle and curve.

When she's down to her breast-band and underwear Lexa slows, gently unwrapping the fabric while sporting the slightest smirk in the corner of her mouth. The last of the band untangles on its own and Clarke swallows thickly as she finally sees Lexa's naked body.

Lexa clasps her hands behind her back like Clarke has seen her do countless times before. The only difference is that this time Lexa is subtly squirming. Clarke shamelessly lets her gaze wander. Lexa is a sight to behold. Her perfectly sculpted legs, abs, breasts, collarbones, neck, jaw... and that face. Her tongue swells and she swallows hard once more. Her fingers curl into the furs underneath her, itching to touch, to stroke, to feel Lexa's warm skin. The fire that was sated by Lexa's tongue burns brightly once again. Clarke tries to memorize every detail of the mouthwatering display in front of her as Lexa patiently waits for her next order.

"Come here," she commands at last.

Lexa's hands unclasp as she takes one step forward and then stops, eyes darting between Clarke and the bed. Deciding she wants to feel Lexa's strength and agility on top of her, all around her and inside of her, Clarke sits up and reaches for Lexa's hand, tugging Lexa forward while spreading her own legs. Lexa's knees settle on the bed between Clarke's legs and she lets Lexa's hand glide up until it reaches the apex.

"I want you," she whispers.

Lexa gulps and closes her eyes briefly, but she doesn't move. Clarke brings her other hand up to Lexa's cheek, caressing it softly before reaching around her neck, pulling Lexa forward until their foreheads touch.

"Lexa," she almost whines. Their breaths shallow, mingling together. She ghosts her mouth over Lexa's soft lips, nipping on the bottom one while Lexa's fingers slowly start to stroke between her legs.

"Lexa... I want you inside, please."

"Jok, Clarke..."

Lexa's dark eyes flick up to Clarke's. They don't break eye contact as two of Lexa's fingers enter her. Clarke moans into Lexa's mouth as soon as Lexa crashes them together. It's desperate and hungry, a mash of tongues gliding together and teeth scraping over lips. Lexa's fingers set a slow pace but her thrusts are powerful, slamming into Clarke and curling her fingers every other stroke.

Lexa doesn't stop when they come up for air, moving her mouth to nip at Clarke's jaw, trailing down her neck, leaving bruises along the way. Clarke pulls Lexa's body flush with hers, reveling in the strength underneath her fingers and the feeling of skin on skin.

She bites Lexa's earlobe while Lexa sucks her neck. Clarke traces the shell with her tongue and breathes directly into Lexa's ear.

"Beja, Heda. Fuck me harder."

Lexa growls and bites down hard, making Clarke yelp, sure that Lexa has drawn blood. She moans loudly when Lexa adds a third finger and brings her thigh between Clarke's legs to fuck into her with more force. Clarke starts meeting her thrusts, letting out a plethora of curses into Lexa's neck.

Lexa surrounds her, filling all of her senses. Fingers pounding into her hard and fast, sweat slick body gliding over her own, comforting weight pressing her into the bed and Lexa's tongue deep in her mouth as she sucks on it. She's clinging to Lexa for dear life, one hand tangled in Lexa's hair and the other on her ass.

The firm press of Lexa's thumb on her clit with every thrust is all it takes for Clarke to fly over the edge again, digging her nails deep into Lexa's back. Swallowing each others moans in a deep kiss as Clarke arches her back, pressing her front into Lexa as her body goes rigid.

Time stops for a suspended moment and her mouth opens in a silent scream until everything comes crashing down. Powerful aftershocks quake her body and white noise rings in her ears drowning out the world.

Lexa's mouth glides over her neck, leaving wet kisses behind as Clarke's body jerks faintly through the last ripples of her orgasm. Lexa pulls out when she's come down. Clarke looks at her while Lexa licks her fingers clean one by one.

Before Lexa reaches the third and last digit that was inside Clarke moments ago, she grabs Lexa's hand and brings it to her own mouth. Lexa's eyes go wide and Clarke can't help but give her a sly smile. She lets her left hand glide over Lexa's thigh, slowly sliding up while she tastes herself on Lexa's finger, moaning around it when her hand reaches its destination.

She tries to take it all in. Lexa's so wet for her, the stiff point of her clit peeking out from beneath its hood. She brushes her finger through Lexa's slick folds, marveling at Lexa's responses, she's so worked up that she shivers with every touch. Clarke weighs her options for a brief moment, deciding whether she wants to watch Lexa quake on her fingers, or to drown in Lexa's pleasure.

She decides on the latter, eager to taste. Lexa whimpers when Clarke moves both her hands to cup her rear. It takes a while before Lexa understands her intentions asClarke starts nudging her to move higher on the bed. Lexa looks like she might have had reservations about this if she wasn't so far gone already.

When she has Lexa where she wants her—thighs on each side of her head, dripping center hovering above her mouth—Clarke licks into her immediately, unable to wait a second longer, earning a surprised gasp from Lexa above her. She starts with the same broad swipes Lexa used on her, encouraged by Lexa's low moans. When she's lapped up most of the sticky sweet arousal, she doesn't move up to Lexa's clit. Instead, she moves down to the source, prodding Lexa's opening with her tongue, making the girl on top of her shudder violently.

She's drunk on the taste of Lexa as she presses her tongue as far as it can reach, letting the tip stroke Lexa's front wall. The soft moans and curses flowing from Lexa's lips growing more frequent and louder over time.

Having Lexa straddle her face and feeling Lexa's inner walls flutter around her tongue has Clarke pressing her thighs together, already in need of release again. Clarke decides she never wants to taste anyone else or feel anyone else. She could live here in peace for the rest of her life if Lexa would let her. She wants to see Lexa come undone, for her, because of her, to see her raw and open. The way no one else gets to see her.

"Beja... faster."

Clarke moans into Lexa's entrance, pressing her thighs together like a vice upon hearing Lexa beg for her. She could feast off this forever, breakfast, lunch, and dinner. But she also needs to remind Lexa that she still holds all the power, so she pulls her mouth away from Lexa's warm center and looks up at her.

"Please what, Lexa?"

Lexa whines, hips softly grinding against nothing.

"Please, Clarke... fuck me."

Clarke takes pity on her and swiftly slides two fingers into Lexa's clinging heat. Attaching her mouth to Lexa's swollen clit. It takes only a few strokes of her fingers hooking into Lexa's front wall and some gentle laps of her tongue for Lexa to come for her. Hips grinding down on Clarke's tongue while her hands grip Clarke's hair as her orgasm rips through her. Clarke's entire body tingles as she takes in the magnificent sight above her. Lexa's powerful thighs grip her head with crushing force, her own deafening heartbeat pounding in her ears. She watches Lexa unfurl and come undone in a hair-raising moan.

Lexa lets herself fall on the bed, breathing heavily. Her eyes closed and limbs splayed out. Clarke looks at her fondly. Lexa's eyes are closed, her cheeks are rosy and her hair a little wilder than usual. A satisfied smirk pulls at the corner of her mouth. Clarke has to bite her lip in order to stifle the smile that she feels creeping onto her face, and climbs over to straddle Lexa's hips. Unfocused eyes open and roam Clarke's body while her hands follow, gliding up Clarke's hips, caressing her sides. They settle on her breasts and the expression that paints Lexa's face has Clarke's cheeks burning.

Lexa sits up, brushing her lips over Clarke's, silently asking for permission. Clarke grants it instantly. The low moan that escapes from Lexa as she tastes herself on Clarke's tongue is everything. Their tastes mingle, a dizzying flavor that makes Clarke lose all sense of time as Lexa continues kissing her.

Clarke hums appreciatively when Lexa moves her mouth south, teeth scraping her jaw and neck. She doesn't linger long, continuing further down.

Soon, Lexa's attention has Clarke pressing her chest into Lexa's mouth. Feeling Lexa's tongue flicking one nipple while her long fingers work the other one causes a fresh wave of arousal.

She watches Lexa worship her tits with hazy eyes while palming Lexa's breasts with her hands and toying with her nipples. Lexa's right hand moves to stroke up and down Clarke's belly. She mimics Lexa with her left hand, letting her fingers paint over the defined rings of muscle adorning Lexa's stomach. Lexa's trail of kisses and nips moves back up until they're face to face again, watching each other for a heated moment as both their hands drift lower.

Clarke sees her own need reflected back at her in Lexa's dark and hooded eyes, parted lips, a hint of pink on her cheeks.Clarke feels her heart clench, Lexa's never looked more beautiful. The raw emotion in Lexa's eyes has changed over the course of their tryst. Pupils still wide, eating her irises, but there is a softness to her gaze, almost reverent, and there something else that Clarke dares not identify. She forgets about it the moment she feels Lexa's fingers slide through her slickness and her own hand finds Lexa's.

Their breaths hitch when they enter each other at the same time, crashing their mouths together.

They set a soft pace, building up slowly. Not letting their mouths part for a second. Feeling Lexa around her fingers, hot and tight, while clenching on Lexa's long digits, she vaguely remembers that this is definitely not what she had in mind when she allowed herself to go down this path.

Their mouths move in sync as they increase the speed and force of their hands, until eventually the need to breathe wins from the need to keep sucking Lexa's tongue.

Both their thumbs find the other's clit at the same time. Clarke carves her nails into Lexa's back and frantically grinds her hips while Lexa possessively claims her throat with her teeth, making more angry red bruises.

Clarke stubbornly tries to fight the intrusive thoughts that prod and poke at her mind. She knows what's happening, what she's repressing. This is not what she set out to do. Her intention to regain power over Lexa and control over her emotions has backfired miserably. Instead, she's experiencing pleasure beyond what she thought was possible by sleeping with the catalyst of her pain. 

But every kiss and every touch from Lexa seems to dull the once razor sharp pain, cleansing the wounds to finally give them a chance to heal. And it feels so good, so right, so inevitable.

"Clarke, I'm close..." Lexa's voice sounds hoarse, strangled.

They gaze at each other, breathing erratic, the thread of tension between them ready to snap while their hands keep pumping and grinding.

"I'm with you," she breathes into Lexa's mouth.

She clamps down on Lexa's fingers when Lexa presses her thumb down, firmly rubbing Clarke's clit as they swallow each others moans in another kiss.

They coax each other through the waves of their shared release, breathing as one, bodies melting together. Lexa switches from rubbing Clarke's clit to hooking her fingers just right and another wave washes over her. It's her third orgasm but it's the most powerful one yet, because she shares this one with Lexa.

By the time the aftershocks pulse through her, everything goes black. Eyes closing, body going limp.

It's only when she comes back to herself that she notices the steady stream of fluid leaking from her eyes. Her lips tremble, whispering Lexa’s name over and over.

She hears Lexa say her name in question with a hint of worry to it. When Clarke finally opens her eyes, Lexa's face is hovering above hers, eyes wide with concern, confusion, and that same warm look Clarke saw earlier.

“Lexa…” She says again. “I need…”

She’s unraveling at the seams, ripped open and wrung out, raw and bleeding. And there is only one person who can hold the remaining bits and pieces together. One who understands her burden, and maybe, she dares think to herself as she presses her body against Lexa's until they are stretched out on the soft furs, one who can help her carry it.

“Lexa…”

“I’m here, Clarke. I’m here.” Lexa’s voice is soft and soothing, with a lingering hint of concern.

Lexa’s strong arms curl around her body and she gently rolls them over. Clarke's head coming to rest on a fluffy pillow with Lexa's comforting weight acting as a blanket.

She clutches to Lexa’s back with both arms, holding on tight, wrapping her legs around Lexa’s slim waist to pull their lower bodies flush. The ongoing stream of tears running along her temples and wetting her hair seems endless.

“I’m here, it’s okay…” Lexa whispers again.

Feeling Lexa’s body rest on top of hers brings Clarke back to her senses somewhat. Their connection grounds her, making her feel safe and secure.

 _Safe,_ for the first time since... she can’t even remember, maybe even before she came to the ground. Before she was put in solitary, before her dad was floated.

Clarke inhales deeply as she nuzzles Lexa’s neck with her nose. Lexa's scent is intoxicating, it’s exactly as she remembers and the memories connected to the familiar scent come rushing back to her. The two of them together in Lexa’s tent, poring over maps, discussing strategies. Lexa sharing her experiences as a leader, sharing wisdom far beyond her age. Their connection reaching far beyond being young leaders with hundreds of people looking to them to save them.

She knows she has forgiven Lexa for her actions as Heda when she realizes she can't deny herself this bond. This happiness, actual happiness in the arms of the woman she loves.

_Loves._

She swallows hard and with it the surge of panic that wells up at her own thoughts. It's not new, she's known for a while. And she's done running away from her feelings and responsibilities.

Clarke turns her head to face Lexa, their mouths only a few inches apart as she looks into Lexa’s eyes. The girl in her arms is a far cry from the Commander of the twelve—soon to be thirteen—clans.

She's holding a soft and vulnerable Lexa, and it's almost like seeing her for the first time. Truly seeing her.

“Lexa, I need you.”

“I’m here, I won’t let go.”

Lexa's eyes are gentle and earnest, and Clarke feels like she could drown in the sparkling green ring surrounding the dark pools in the center. She finally understands what the undefined expression she read on Lexa's face had been all along.

And Clarke _knows._

Heda will always belong to her people, but Lexa belongs with her.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Trigedasleng:  
> Hod op = stop/wait  
> Sha = yes  
> Jok = fuck  
> Beja = please
> 
>  
> 
> Thank you @raedmagdon, @faithtastic, @meetwickedfaith and @sheisme and all the incredible fic writers that inspired me to start writing.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this story and that it helps you get through the one year anniversary of Lexa's death.
> 
> This is the first time I've written creatively -ever- so I have no idea if I'll write again. Let me know if you think I should?
> 
> Find me on tumblr [@syngularitysyn](https://syngularitysyn.tumblr.com/)


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